https://blog.teknik.io/okcupid/p/11788 https://kommunity.com/okcupud/events/when-love-transcends-a-weight-issue-c17394a0 https://kommunity.com/okcupud/events/from-vague-awareness-to-a-beautiful-relationship-3cb999f2 https://rentry.co/uzzr6 https://www.aanmelder.nl/133785 https://waters.crowdicity.com/post/767084 https://waters.crowdicity.com/post/767085 https://apps.brownbearsw.com/iobee/Okcupid/showview/-Default- https://customer.brainfuse.com/default.asp?pg=pgPublicView&sTicket=438150_uncurned

I see where you are coming from. There is a tendency to assume that the D in a D/s is generally dominant and that the s in a D/s is generally submissive. This is commonly so but by no means universal.

(On a side note, it's interesting that many Taken In Hand/Ds/DD women would not be attracted to a man who was not generally dominant yet expect to be attractive to him without being generally submissive. This seems a double standard that could form an article sometime.)

Using the word “submissive” to mean that you accept a man's leadership in a relationship doesn't work, because that word generally gets you treated as though you are a certain kind of person that you might well not be at all.

Again, I take your point. A common moan on BDSM forums, chat rooms etc. is that (ignorant, supposedly dominant) men tend to treat any woman self-identifying as "submissive" as though she'll do anything for them. In time, they are corrected but there is always a constant flow of people newly awakening to (what they perceive as) their dominance that causes this problem to arise.

Man/woman is about the roles in the relationship (otherwise, why not "person/person") and so is D/s, M/s, Daddy/lilgirl, B/B, G/G and all the other 'x/x' I can't recall right now. Being on one side of the slash might imply something about you generally as an individual but it really can't be assumed.

I don't think it matters what words we use instead of "dominant" and "submissive". We could change to Leader/Obeyer and still get in trouble because people might assume that those roles apply outside the relationship. After all, being taken in hand is hardly something women seek outside of their primary relationship.

by Interesdom on 2005 May 17 - 15:30 | reply to this comment words Interesdom,


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