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If you are a dominant woman and want to always be dominated by your man - as opposed to being willing to submit - then I see this as being a recipe for clashes and discomfort as no-one can live under the siege of constant struggle forever, through illness and other setbacks.

I agree wholeheartedly with this, Interesdom. However, the real point of my article was not to substitute the word “dominant” for the word “submissive” but to free those who feel uncomfortable adopting any given labelling system from the tyranny of those labels. Perhaps I should have made a bit more of this bit:

Those of us with an aversion to being (metaphorically as opposed to literally) pinned down

and used the word “dominant” a bit less, because it does seem to have caused some confusion among those viewing life through D/s or BDSM lenses.

Whilst you might not make any assumptions about the kind of person a woman is if she calls herself “submissive”, others certainly do, and their assumptions are all wrong.

You may say that D/s defines the relationship, not the people, but in practice, in real life, people do not act as though that is the case. Using the word “submissive” to mean that you accept a man's leadership in a relationship doesn't work, because that word generally gets you treated as though you are a certain kind of person that you might well not be at all. And if the cap doesn't fit, why wear it?

by Sarah Cavendish on 2005 May 16 - 08:39 | reply to this comment
Relationship roles and individual characteristics.
Whilst you might not make any assumptions about the kind of person a woman is if she calls herself “submissive”, others certainly do, and their assumptions are all wrong.


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