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Another problem I personally have with domestic discipline is that the heavy focus of DD forums on ‚Äòdiscipline‚Äô is at the expense of all other forms of expressing control. I personally would like to see a more general focus on the idea of the man's authority and control instead of on punishment and in particular, spanking. When spanking is the focus, people seem to lose sight of more subtle forms of control, and indeed, more extreme forms of control.
I can sympathize with this. One of the problems people have in both DD and BDSM is they describe behaviors as being either dominant or submissive but my own experience in power exchange tells me we need not make such definitions. I am dominant when I switch because the connection involved allows me a particular experience in which I feel a change in my own perception of how I relate and connect to the world. I need Annie for this because this kind of perception requires an interaction with another human being. By Annie giving me consent (she says she loves me in a different way) this magnificent gift allows me to control how I perceive the world around me and will change how I relate to it and to Annie forever. It's pretty powerful stuff.
by Frank Nelson on 2005 Feb 7 - 10:02 | reply to this comment consent There was a lot in this thread about consent needing to be key. It was argued that it needs to be often and clearly stated that this is consensual. I personally feel that it is stated often and clearly. But I also feel that it is kind of a non-issue on a site like this. I don't think people that are not interested in this way of life are apt to stumble across this site and feel that they must quickly develop a taken-in-hand relationship. People are smart enough to know what works for them. If they some how missed the consent piece here, I think most of them are intelligent enough to read further, realize its importance on their own, or just write off all of the information as something that is not pertinent to their relationship...someplace they never want to go.
Personally I can only parrot what has been said here countless times. I trust my boyfriend enough to know that he would not subject me to something I was totally adverse to. I generally agree with him when he determines that I need to be spanked, either to help me unwind and calm down or for taking the pressures of my day out on him. He has spanked me (once) when I didn't feel I deserved it. Mostly I didn't feel that the expectation was made clear enough for him to dole out a consequence. Now the expectation is perfectly clear to me. Though I did not agree with the need for the punishment (this is an instance where just telling me probably would have been enough), I did ask him to be in charge, and it was just a spanking..it didn't maim me or cause me extreme distress. It hurt, and it helped him get his message accross in a way that he felt would make clear to me how serious he was about it. If I felt that a spanking would cause such a reaction in me I would never have given my consent for it.